If you’ve never heard of love languages, here’s a quick explanation: There are five ways of showing affection (according to the theory, anyway). The way you show and like to receive affection obviously affects your relationships, so it’s great to know what you’re big on and what you don’t much care for.
The five love languages are: physical touch (you’re a cuddle monster), gift-giving (self-explanatory), words of affirmation (saying ‘I love you’ five times a day? No problem!), acts of service (you’re big on actions rather than words) and… quality time.
Let me present to you the high-maintenance, attention-seeking, absolutely-wonderful-if-you’re-into-deep-connections love language, which also happens to be mine.
If you don’t spend enough time with me, it’s going to be really hard for me to fall in love with you. There, I said it.
When your main love language is quality time, it means you strive for deep personal connections, which can often be only achieved through long discussions, entertaining conversations, and focused attention.
I want to hear about your day. I want to know who you like and dislike at your workplace, what your favourite part about your job is, what makes you the happiest, what you think about this and that. I want to know you in the best possible way I can, every day of my life.
Giving focused attention to quality-time lovers is the best way you can show your love. But what does that entail, exactly?
Here are four tips that might come in handy if you’re dating someone whose main love language is quality time.
Don’t look at your phone during a conversation
This sounds really obvious because, well, rude much?
However, many people have gotten so addicted to technology that we don’t even realise we’re doing it — checking our messages, scrolling on Instagram, browsing Google out of the sheer fear of boredom.
My boyfriend has struggled with this for ages now, and it’s been a big problem in our relationship. A short silence in a conversation makes me ponder about where our discussion could further develop, while it makes him take his phone out and basically cut the interaction off.
Which in turn makes me feel like we haven’t spent enough time conversing because he gave up so soon. A bad mood ensues.
He’s been working on changing this habit, which I appreciate a lot. If you feel like you have the tendency to go on your phone instead of developing the interaction with your quality-time lover further, try to resist.
Put an effort into being in the present moment with your partner. Focus on what they have to say and put them in the centre of your attention. When you have a conversation with them, have this activity be your main source of entertainment.
Don’t give up too soon. Resist that urge. Give the interaction all you have.
Ask questions that propel discussions
It’s hard when you feel like you’re the only one who puts some effort into interacting. It takes two people to have a happy and well-functioning relationship.
The key to always being entertained by your partner is to remain curious, even after years of dating. You can’t ever know someone perfectly — there will always be things that might surprise you.
So try and ask questions you haven’t asked before, or ask the same ones only to find out if the answer has changed. Be curious about the mind of the person you love.
Don’t just scratch the surface — dive deep into who they are. Quality-time lovers adore being asked interesting questions.
Focus on them for longer chunks of time
The thing is, talking for fifteen minutes a day might not be enough for many quality-time based people. We require more. That’s why we can be such high-maintenance if quality time ranks low for our partners on their own list of love languages.
We’re in love with long discussions that last hours and hours because these sorts of interactions are what lets us connect. What’s more, we get to stare at your face for ages, admiring your gestures, voice, ways of expressing yourself… and this can make us keep falling in love with you over and over again.
If you feel like you can’t keep a conversation going for too long, engage in fun activities together — play a game, cook, go dancing, make a jigsaw puzzle.
Your partner needs to feel socially fulfilled by you. You don’t have to spend every single day intensely focusing on each other, of course, that would be unsustainable. But always try to spend a longer amount of time together a few times a week.
Always try to connect in various ways
Monotony is only natural in long-term relationships. But there’s content monotony, and then there’s boring and disappointing monotony.
Make sure yours is the first one. You achieve this by sprinkling various kinds of fun into your everyday life — suggest going to the cinema, be silly together, spice up your sex life, or take your partner on a trip.
Show that you’re always looking for ways to connect with each other. Keep that vibe going. The moment your partner feels like you don’t spend any quality time together is the moment they stop being happy in the relationship.
Dating someone whose main love language is quality time can be hard, especially after years of being in a relationship.
But don’t forget why you chose this person in the first place. Chances are, your partner is also very loyal and deeply interested in you. They probably won’t get bored of you as long as you don’t get bored of spending time with them.
So go ahead and spend some quality time with your loved one. They might appreciate it more than you realise.
Previously Published on medium
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The post How to Date Someone Whose First Love Language Is Quality Time appeared first on The Good Men Project.