You may have noticed I'm on a project kick lately: all I want to do is build stuff and browse the internet for more stuff to build, ha. If you have anxiety or depression, ADHD, or any other flavor of mental health struggle, then you probably know the power of a new obsession. It's new! It's distracting! And it's something better to focus on than all... ::gestures vaguely:: ... this!
Plus, in my case, it involves FUN HALLOWEEN STUFF:
Oooh, I want to make these. So cute! Plus fake candy apples are an appropriate segue to my next topic, Complaining About Food.
I've had a series of unfortunate food events the last few weeks, and spent too many nights - including last night - pacing the house because it hurt too much to sit down. I pace and pace, often 'til 8am or later, only to collapse and sleep through most of the next day, then wake up to migraines, anxiety, and allergy attacks. If you'd told me ten years ago that something as harmless as cherries could destroy my physical and mental health for 3-5 days, I'd've scoffed. SCOFFED, I say. ... Yet here we are.
I've been eating Low FODMAP for 3 years now, so you'd think I'd have it down, but I keep messing up, dangit. It's so frustrating! I forget I can't have peaches and try a new jelly, or I don't check the ketchup label for onion powder, or sometimes I'll eat something that SHOULD be safe, but still hits me like a semi. Those are the worst; why did this tofu fried rice John's made a dozen times suddenly puff me up like Violet Beauregarde? What did I miss? Is there something else I can't eat now? Whyyyyyy.
Anyhoo, when I finally come out of the pain & insomnia haze, I'm 3 days behind and utterly exhausted. All I want to do is sleep and make cute Halloween crafts.
Exhibit A:
I can stop going to Dollar Tree any time, y'all. My craft supply hoard is completely under control. Yep, yep, yep.
Worse, I keep accidentally starting the cycle over again, and each time I feel a little more stupid. When I get that first ache and realize in a panic that I've messed up again, and have at least 8 hours of pain and pacing ahead - but can't take pain meds, because they cause constipation which makes everything worse - I crumple. How do y'all with chronic pain do it? I want to be nonchalent and stoic and write witty jokes about how life is pain and anyone who says differently is selling something, but truth is when my gut is full of bowling balls and knives I shut down. I have a strict regiment of isolation, pacing, Will & Grace re-runs, and rocking in place in front of a jigsaw puzzle. John remarked the other day that I rock in place all the time now, so hey, at least I picked up a new habit that'll make people steer clear in public.
When the pain does finally stop, next I feel awful for losing all that time. Whole days, poof, gone. With nothing to show for it! And I need things to show for it, y'all. I base an unhealthy amount of my self-worth on productivity. So I swap a physical health crisis for a mental health one.
Any of this sound familiar? Because this can't be just me, right? I know some of you deal with all this and more. So tell me, how do you cope? What do you tell yourself, what do you do, to make it better?
Better question: What's something you treat yourself to on your worst days? Bonus points if it's Low FODMAP. :D
And to share a little more sweet with all this sour, here are a few more Halloween goodies making me smile: