.
.
Phil Kaye, performing at Icehouse in Minneapolis, MN.
Transcript provided by YouTube:
00:22
It is summertime
00:24
In the 90s
00:27
before the internet
00:29
and nine year old me
00:31
Is sitting on the couch with Ben, my best friend, who has a bowl cut
00:35
Like I do and I asked Ben what he wants to do and Ben says what he always says:
00:40
I don’t know dude, what do you wanna do?
00:43
audience: [laughter]
00:44
And I don’t know either because it’s already two months in the summertime and we have done everything
00:48
We think we can do, played basketball so many times Ben knows I will never go left
00:54
Stayed up until midnight to watch the r-rated VHS tapes my mother owns, pulled each other around in a wagon
01:01
Toilet papered every house on the street except for our own
01:04
audience:[ laughter]
01:06
And so we turn on the television and Indiana Jones is playing and afterwards we go outside
01:14
Because there is no internet and we stare at the big tree on our Street
01:19
the tree that is bigger than Ben’s entire house that we have never been able to climb because we are little kids but now
01:26
We are little kids that just watched Indiana Jones
01:29
audience: [laughter
01:31
and so we find some old bungee cords
01:33
and the hooks of those bungee cords find themselves into our belt loops and we tie the other side’s around the tree and now we are
01:39
Halfway up the tree, that is bigger than Ben’s entire house and I quietly think to myself: maybe I am Indiana Jones.
01:47
audience: [laughter]
01:47
and Ben quietly thinks to himself
01:50
maybe
01:51
This is a bad idea
01:53
audience: [laughter]
01:54
And my belt loops quietly think to themselves, what the fuck
01:59
audience: [laughter]
02:00
But we were all thinking quietly
02:02
audience: [laughter]
02:03
And so for a moment, it is silent and at nine years old I transform into things I have never been before
02:11
An astronaut floating in space,
02:13
the hummingbird buzzing in place, a beam of August light floating through the windows
02:19
and then I hear a crack which is not Indiana
02:21
Jones’s whip but my belt loops snapping apart shrieking relief and I fall all the way down the tree onto my back
02:28
and Ben rushes down and says, are you okay?
02:32
and I say,
02:34
I think so
02:36
and Ben starts to laugh and I start to laugh and I’m bleeding from my elbow, but it’s just a scrape
02:42
And that means that I am human and we are alive here tonight and we sit
02:49
Quietly till my mother comes searching
02:54
audience: [applause]
02:57
Thank you all. Thank you so much. Thank you!
03:02
audience: [applause]
03:09
Y’all are nice as fuck
03:11
audience: [laughter]
03:12
This is a whole,this is as a thing here
03:16
last time I was here
03:18
I was walking around downtown and I’ve lived in New York for for nine years now and so you kind of have like a walking downtown face
03:27
and this person was like, excuse me, and when you’re in New York, if someone says, “excuse me” to you
03:32
The last thing you do is acknowledge their existence
03:35
But they’re like excuse me and they kind of like popped up and then we made eye contact and I’m like now I’m fucked
03:41
audience: [laughter]
03:41
And they’re like, I’m sorry. Can I, can I tell you something?
03:46
And I was like,
03:48
sure
03:49
And they’re like, you kind of look like Jesus
03:52
audience:[laughter]
03:57
It was like kind of unclear whether it was a compliment or not
04:00
audience:[laughter]
04:02
But thank you Minneapolis
04:20
Every great story
04:22
Has a beginning, middle and end not necessarily in that order
04:27
We are all great stories
04:29
[laughs]
04:30
Chapter 394 the boy hair still long fingers still too short
04:35
Is 98 years old
04:38
sits at a restaurant alone
04:40
The stranger sitting next to him is eating bread pudding, the boys favorite, the boy takes his fork
04:46
Sticks it in the strangers meal and takes a bite
04:49
Chapter 14 the boy is seven years old. He and his best friend have a great idea for a prank
04:54
They are sure they’ll not get caught. The next morning every house on the street has toilet paper in the front yard
05:00
except for his own
05:03
They get caught
05:05
audience: [laughter]
05:06
Chapter 146 and the boy and the girl live happily ever after
05:11
Chapter 231 and the boy and the girl vow never to speak to each other again
05:15
Every great story has a beginning middle and end not necessarily in that order. We are all great stories though
05:21
not all written as chapter books.
05:24
I know
05:25
There are hours not meant to be bound
05:28
When…w when we have scribbled too much in the margins to read our own page numbers, like the night you thought you were invincible
05:35
Ran out into the lightning storm with a million keys
05:39
Tied to a million kites and a clench in your jaw that said, “take me with you. Dammit. I dare you”
05:45
or the weeks
05:46
When you finally reached out to feel your father’s cheeks and
05:50
just found paper cuts.
05:52
I know
05:54
The nights we shatter our glasses to fall asleep
05:57
the afternoons we take photographs of our own shadows just to prove that we left a mark, but
06:03
I stay awake
06:05
reminding myself the wetness of my own lips
06:09
that I am a leaf off of the tree of my parents first kiss
06:13
and If I hold my shrubs to the sky I can still see their veins there
06:18
Every great story has a beginning middle and end not necessarily in that order
06:22
chapter 189
06:24
The boy too old now to celebrate his birthdays and too young to treasure them uses his fists
06:32
Punches his own reflection to see if it is real
06:35
Breaks his hand back into the opposite of a fist: a conch, shell of sinew
06:40
Puts it to his ear and can hear the ocean of his own bloodline
06:45
Stand up boy
06:47
Not just with your legs, be your own story, you magnificent page-turner, you 600 words per minute
06:53
You never stop to read the back cover, even though you know what happens at the end
06:59
Chapter 431
07:01
Once upon a time there was a boy
07:03
He’s not here anymore
07:05
But the branches he left all hold their leaves to the sky and you can see the outline of his shadow on the sidewalk
07:12
Prologue: once upon a time there was a woman and a man and the first night they kissed,
07:17
a seedling blossomed from the back of her neck
07:22
audience [applause]
07:27
Thank you you all.
07:28
thank you
07:29
audience [applause]
07:36
Um, before we do anything else. Can we give another round of applause for those amazing openers?
07:40
audience [applause]
07:43
Yeah!
07:45
that was awesome
07:49
For those three ladies that came up here and crushed it, also like if you do not know this already you may know this but
07:55
Minneapolis and St. Paul, the Twin Cities, have an amazing poetry ugh
07:59
Community here right here um so you do not need to go far. I feel a little guilty. I’m very honored that I’m here
08:07
ugh, but I’m also kind of like, you know, I feel like the fucking import, you know, like fuck and buy local, you know,
08:17
It is ugh..this is a really
08:19
ugh special night this book came out ugh about two weeks ago and
08:24
this is the the
08:26
This is the third show I’ve got to do with this book in the world and to celebrate it and ugh tonight particularly
08:31
I want to try a bunch of new poems from the book that I have literally never read before I may have read on..
08:37
one time before, um
08:39
One of the things I loved about this book was was getting to explore new things and new stories. That hadn’t been told
08:45
ugh to anybody and sometimes to myself had been locked away somewhere in there
08:51
And so this is one of those
09:03
I don’t remember the day my parents stopped speaking Japanese to me
09:08
Maybe sometime in kindergarten when I had trouble understanding people
09:14
and English
09:16
or maybe
09:18
After some glance, I don’t remember in a grocery store parking lot in California
09:24
Holding my father’s furry Jewish hand as he spoke Perfect Japanese to me
09:29
some confused housewife’s eyebrows
09:33
Shaming us back to this country or maybe during some early playdate
09:40
With a new sunny white boy in our living room. I just
09:44
Stopped speaking it back to them
09:47
By the time my sister was born years later. The old language had been locked away somewhere in the house
09:54
an aging holiday decoration we took out and looked at
09:58
in season
10:00
thought about tossing completely
10:03
I admit,
10:05
I fantasize sometimes about being a family that speaks their mother tongue at dinner in mixed company
10:11
We look over at each other
10:14
Lower our voice into an octave only blood can decipher
10:22
Toa tub [speaking in Japanese]
10:25
Don’t use your hands when you eat
10:28
Lately at the dinner table
10:31
My mother whispers a mundane incantation in Japanese to my sister
10:37
After silence, she says it again
10:40
speaks into a canyon with no echo
10:44
Utters it one more time, makes my sister say
10:48
in English.
10:50
I don’t understand what you’re saying
10:54
and suddenly my grandmother is there
10:56
shaking her head
10:58
opens her mouth
11:01
Is mute
11:05
audience [applause]
11:18
I got to write about all sorts of, of weird things in this book. I wrote a poem about ugh
11:23
faking sick
11:25
Which is great. Make some noise if you’ve ever faked sick in your life
11:28
audience: [cheering]
11:30
And it’s properly jovial
11:33
Can anybody say with like full confidence that they never faked sick ever?
11:37
If you’re too polite you can raise your hand
11:41
Yeah, no one I mean that’s okay to me it’s always been like a big red flag
11:45
You know like never faking sick is like you ever meet someone and they’re like out of nowhere
11:50
They’re kind of like oh, yeah, I never had a soda in my life. You know, like what the fuck?
11:53
audience [laughter]
11:55
And it’s always the same shit. It’s like oh my parents never let me have it and I don’t know
12:00
I just never developed a taste for it
12:02
Huge red flag right? because it’s, it’s one of two scenarios
12:06
one is that they’re lying
12:09
and at some point in their life, they’ve had a soda, even if they didn’t like it. They’ve had one
12:14
or two
12:16
Which is scarier
12:19
Fucking seven-year-old them is at their birth… like their friend’s birthday, at fucking chuck-e-cheeses or some shit
12:25
And like the orange soda is coming around and it gets to them like, they’re like “Oh, no, thanks. Oh, no, sorry”
12:31
My teeth are still growing in and
12:34
audience [laughter]
12:40
So
12:42
There’s a…[laughs] there’s a a series of poems in the book
12:47
ugh
12:48
That the internet pops up a lot in the book and ugh there’s a series of poems where the internet speaks back to me
12:56
In different ears ugh and it’s more fancily called in the book the internet speaks back to the author
13:02
Because I thought that might sound
13:05
more deep
13:06
audience: [laughter]
13:07
But this is: the internet speaks back to the author 2018
13:20
Tell me what you want ♪ every door you enter I
13:24
Will let you in ♪
13:26
my friend Rihanna said that
13:28
You want to see her? Here she is
13:30
Parts of herself she never meant to show you, but I got them for you
13:34
Is that too much?
13:36
Are you upset with me?
13:38
here
13:39
a man belly flopping onto a lake, a goat climbing on people doing yoga, a baby crying hysterically and now laughing
13:46
a magician revealing his tricks,
13:47
a photo of your old best friend
13:49
who called you three days ago.
13:51
Don’t call him now
13:53
Let me show you him
13:55
You like it better that way
13:57
Look how you two dressed up together that Halloween
14:01
He doesn’t want to do that
14:03
anymore
14:04
Except with me.
14:06
I won’t let him change. I promise
14:09
Why are you sad?
14:11
Here, the woman you kissed two nights ago.
14:13
She was recently in Florida. It was colder than she expected.
14:17
Here: her mother, two Huskies, little brother’s graduation, view from the old apartment,
14:22
best sushi she’s ever had, her bestie, bestie’s favorite bar, bestie’s untouched birthday cake, bestie’s new boyfriend, bestie’s trip to Chicago
14:29
Bestie’s photo under the beam, bestie’s girls weekend.
14:32
It’s okay
14:33
She shared it with me so that I could show you
14:36
here
14:38
The woman you loved years ago
14:40
see
14:42
The Marigold of her drink she had on her honeymoon
14:45
You don’t like sweet drinks, right?
14:49
Don’t leave
14:50
Let’s go to the temple
14:52
What an architect you’ve become?
14:55
There you are, your face wonderfully frozen, your funny joke it took you so long
15:02
But I’ll never tell
15:04
You’re safe here
15:06
with me
15:10
audience [applause]
15:21
Was thinking about this today
15:25
I was like walking around, you ever be like walking around all of a sudden you’re like, I wonder
15:30
what my middle school bullies were doing are doing now on Facebook
15:35
It’s always great.
15:38
They’re like inexplicably always the people that are out there like posting way too much on Facebook
15:43
audience [laughter]
15:46
My like main middle school bully has now inserted his middle name onto Facebook and it’s “legend”
15:56
So for example and I won’t use his name because I’ll protect his pathetic bully ass
16:03
audience [laughter]
16:05
But if you take like I just a dumb fucking name, I don’t know Brett Kavanaugh
16:11
audience [laughter and cheers]
16:14
Brett Legend Cavanaugh
16:18
audience [laughter]
16:20
I wonder if that’s what…
16:22
Joe, Joe is the guy
16:24
audience [laughter]
16:27
This is what I mean in some ways it is legendary. 15 years later, Minneapolis, speaking his name
16:35
audience [laughter]
16:41
This is a very short poem from the book
16:52
When you called to say
16:55
after our fifth morning together
16:57
That my travel was too difficult for you and this had to end
17:02
I was in the market
17:04
and had just bought a succulent
17:06
With round leaves like plump emeralds
17:10
Promising an easy and long survival.
17:13
I carried it home with both hands
17:16
Committed to its nominal care
17:19
The plant lasted a few months until a particularly long trip away the death of a plant so visual
17:27
the discoloration of the skin
17:30
The limp extremities laying to rest on the dirt.
17:34
I wondered aloud about repotting it
17:37
perhaps more water and closer attention
17:40
A spot in the apartment with direct sunlight
17:44
“Easier to just get another one” comes the new voice from the other room
17:52
audience [cheers]
18:08
So my my my grandparents come up very often uhh in my work and have really meant a ton to me
18:16
And this is a poem about my my American grandfather
18:19
uhh and to give you a visual of my American grandfather he had like this gigantic white beard
18:25
and ugh was totally bald
18:27
and and had like this amazing belly that he used to eat dinner off of like very proudly
18:35
um and he owned ugh a war surplus store that was really almost exactly this size
18:42
ugh filled with
18:45
Junk essentially [laughs]
18:47
that he had collected from around the country and really meant the world to him and that place meant a lot to me and I
18:53
I worked there and I grew up there in a lot of ways ugh and when he passed away about five years ago the store closed
18:59
And ugh I was thinking about him in that place
19:01
ugh and so I wrote this poem for him.
19:07
I keep doing this hair thing, but it’s really hot up here and I’m sweating
19:14
And it gets a nice
19:17
Okay, thanks
19:19
I needed that
19:29
My grandfather was not a strong man
19:32
But he knew what it meant to build
19:34
In 1947 after he and my great-uncle’s returned from the Second World War
19:39
They opened up
19:41
“Union War Surplus Store”
19:44
The store slogan: from a battleship to a hunting knife we have it or we’ll get it
19:49
My grandfather was not a strong man, but he kept his word. The place was half store half encyclopedia
19:56
Packed all the way to the ceiling with odd objects that somebody somewhere might want: steel toe boots
20:05
made of velvet
20:07
Fire-resistant overalls, a Czechoslovakian dental kit from 1964
20:13
packed
20:14
all the way to the basement
20:16
with people
20:18
That somebody somewhere else might forget about, but not here,
20:22
like Richard
20:24
Richard who who did not work there, but showed up every Sunday afternoon in his full military uniform
20:31
Never once bought a damn thing
20:34
But once brought his little girl, held her hand said this
20:39
Is what it smelled like when daddy was a hero
20:42
My grandfather was not a strong man, but he kept us safe
20:46
we walked together in the park one night
20:48
and a jagged man with more tattoo than skin walked up directly to my grandfather said “Hey old man!
20:55
My father used to take me to your store when I was a kid and you shook my hand once
21:02
Like I was a man
21:05
I still remember that”
21:08
My grandfather’s office was upstairs
21:10
But he liked to work down on the floor
21:13
Gave anybody a smile. Everybody called him cheerful Al
21:16
With his big belly, bald head, long gray beard, little kids would see him and go
21:21
ohhh!
21:21
Santa Clause!
21:23
audience [laughter]
21:25
Six years after a “Union War Surplus Store” opened its doors my grandfather had a son, my dad.
21:32
He is not a strong man, but he knows what it means to build. One summer when he was a teenager. He worked the store
21:40
Built this door in the back. It’s still there
21:44
40 years after “Union War Surplus Store” opened its doors. My father had a son.
21:50
I’m not a strong boy
21:52
But I’m trying to learn what it means to build
21:55
One summer when I was a teenager. I worked at the store, built this display that went all the way up to the ceiling
22:02
when I finished I
22:04
Ran to my grandfather, showed him what I had done
22:07
Very good Philip, very good. When I asked him what to do next. He handed me an old piece of paper, a beat-up pen
22:14
when I asked him what to do with it, he shrugged his shoulders and laughed
22:18
and I began to build
22:21
The only way I know how
22:24
audience [applause]
22:45
So I ugh
22:48
I wrote this poem a little while ago that that
22:51
touches on my my parents divorce and my parents split and it it touches specifically on the night that that happened umm
23:00
But there was a lot more pieces to that
23:02
and ugh and and one of the things I got.. a lot more little moments um and I got to explore those a little bit more
23:09
um In this book and this is one of them
23:11
um which is the the night
23:14
my parents split and and the first night we
23:17
Visited my dad in his apartment. He had to like
23:20
Get this new place to live
23:22
ugh this was like two nights after and we we stayed with him
23:38
My father, sister and I walk up the stairs to his hastily rented apartment
23:44
For the first time since my parents separation
23:47
the inaugural night of “dad’s time”
23:51
My father is quiet. There are many flights of stairs
23:55
We focus on the load we are carrying
23:58
rented lamps, rented sheets, rented plates
24:02
rented silverware
24:05
My parents break happened over just one night
24:08
Though my sister and I had heard creaking for years so loud It kept us up some nights
24:14
I would find out later that my father imagined this particular walk up the stairs
24:20
dozens of times before it happened
24:24
Envisioned every barbed comment my sister and I might offer
24:28
The punctures they would make in his tired body
24:31
How he wouldn’t be able to sew them back up
24:34
Why are there so many stairs?
24:36
These rooms are so small!
24:38
Why is everything so bare? Where are we gonna go play? Daddy I want to go home!
24:45
Of course
24:47
all I remember
24:49
was how quiet it was that evening for the first time
24:53
which is to say
24:55
the sound of wind
24:57
wafting through pipes
24:59
on some abandoned battlefield
25:03
The promise that there will be no more fighting, the strange relief of blood that has finally begun to dry
25:11
the way my father recalls it
25:13
We made it up the stairs and walked through the door
25:18
Flipped on the barren overhead light bulb, the walls dull white
25:23
I set down the weight that I was holding
25:26
looked around
25:28
said
25:31
Cool.
25:35
audience: [applause]
25:43
All right, y’all , I’m gonna do three more poems
25:47
Thank you all for being here ugh it is it is really special to have you all here to share this with in this beautiful space
25:54
I did not know
25:57
It was gonna be so nice.
26:00
I would have fuckin
26:02
not worn my sneaks
26:11
This is a ugh ugh
26:12
another poem ugh about when my grandparents ugh which is about my grandmother
26:18
Who was my favorite person growing up hands down.
26:21
she was married to to cheerful Al,
26:26
and ugh
26:28
you know in retrospect she was like the Robocop of grandmothers. She was like really primed
26:33
She was like a kindergarten teacher and a family therapist
26:38
and
26:39
Then was literally a teacher about parenting
26:43
But as like a nine-year-old, you’re just like you’re the fucking best person umm
26:49
I didn’t recognize your pedigree
26:51
audience [laughter]
26:53
ugh
26:55
and she really loved stories um
26:58
and always told them and always shared them and I think had a huge impact on on what I love to do now
27:05
and so this a poem for her
27:27
My grandmother’s mind
27:30
was a ballroom
27:33
Inside were her memories
27:35
Each one dressed for a celebration: that memory there in the white blazer on the dance floor
27:41
Is the memory of her wedding day.
27:43
He never stops dancing
27:46
That memory there in the long purple dress staring out the window
27:50
The day my father left for college
27:52
That memory there hunched over his food? The day she got her first cavity filled. My grandmother’s ballroom
27:59
always in motion
28:01
My grandmother used to tell me stories
28:04
Philip
28:05
remember when you and I made strawberry jam?
28:09
I pretend I don’t
28:10
So I can hear it again
28:12
Well, you were eight years old, inside my grandmother’s ballroom a woman in a red gown and mistletoe eyebrows clears her throat
28:21
carefully kisses fork to wine glass
28:23
Tells the story of a boy and his grandmother
28:27
How they picked out the reddest strawberries in the store
28:31
how they made so much jam they ate until it was summer again, each time the boy thinking
28:37
My nama and I made this
28:41
It started slowly, at first, there are things we can forget and no one notices
28:48
Philip where did we park the car? What was the soup of the day again? I thought the movie started at 8:00
28:56
Inside my grandmother’s ballroom
28:59
jubilant chaos
29:01
her memories drunk on a wine they had never tasted before
29:05
A cancer no one understood
29:09
Philip, what’s your father’s phone number?
29:12
We went to Hawaii together?
29:16
It’s your birthday today?
29:19
Her memories slurring their words
29:24
Staggering across the dance floor lifting their glasses for more
29:32
What day is this? Why am I in the hospital?
29:38
Where is my hair?
29:40
The last time I got to see her she could not speak eyes closed
29:48
Nama it’s me Phil
29:52
Remember the time you and I made strawberry jam? No
29:57
Let me tell you and my grandmother silently in bed squeezes my hand
30:04
Somewhere a woman in a red dress feet blistered still dancing taken by the music
30:15
audience:[applause]
30:29
So um
30:31
It’s been ugh a real
30:36
Shitty week
30:37
for for a lot of us to watch all these
30:41
things unfold
30:42
um and is unfortunately not a new thing um
30:48
It is a
30:51
a difficult thing to not get drowned under um and I’ve been trying to find little moments
30:57
uhh of of
30:59
Joy, and to things that appreciate that nothing to do with um
31:04
What may or may not be on television and so this is a new poem that I never tried
31:10
out loud before
31:11
uhh which is a little bit of an appreciation for
31:14
little things in all of you and it is it is still an amazing thing ugh
31:18
to travel to get on a plane and show up to a room full of people that
31:22
Care anything about what you do and any of the words you have so so, thank you
31:37
Whoa,
31:38
Be thankful for my mosquito lover
31:41
Leaving her kiss on my body for days to come
31:44
Whoa, be thankful that I am wanted
31:47
By the earth, if no one else
31:50
Waiting to hold my body again
31:53
Whoa,
31:56
Be thankful for the beasts who have laid down against their will so that I may nourish
32:00
Whoa, be thankful for the warmth of the full stomach, the summer sidewalk, my grandmother’s jiggling arm
32:08
Whoa, be thankful for the cool of the frothy Pacific, the crisp pillow, the popsicle now melting down my hand
32:17
Whoa, be thankful for the ridges in the redwood.
32:20
the guide, the sap
32:22
that scratched the black bear
32:24
Whoa, be thankful for each ring in the red bark
32:28
each wrinkle in the knuckle
32:31
Whoa, will be thankful for the wood above my head
32:34
that meets the water and does not rest
32:37
even when invited
32:40
Whoa, be thankful for my sister who meets the water from my cheek and does not rest even when invited
32:49
Woah be thankful for rest
32:51
with its unrelenting invitation
32:54
Woah be thankful for the day I finally acquiesced
32:58
and when I do
33:00
May the roots of a small plant
33:03
Find me in the earth
33:05
Hold me in its sprawling embrace say nothing of my name and survive the winter
33:15
audience [applause]
33:26
All right, y’all, um this is my last poem
33:31
Thank you so much for for being here. It takes a lot of energy to be up here on stage
33:36
ugh sharing poems, but I also know it takes a shit-ton of energy to be to be out in the audience
33:42
Listening to all of this and and digesting it all ugh
33:46
Particularly, if you got dragged here [laughs] does anybody just get like dragged here as a friend and are like what the fuck is going on?
33:53
audience [laughter]
33:55
When are they gonna start rapping
33:57
audience [laughter]
34:00
This is the weirdest open mic I’ve ever seen this dude’s been going on forever
34:04
audience [laughter]
34:08
After this finishes ugh, I’m gonna set up shop right here
34:12
Everybody gets a book
34:14
It’s amazing
34:16
Yeah, thanks for you know, I get you know, take the book if not hand it to someone on the street
34:22
You guys do that shit here, don’t you?
34:25
Like some real Minneapolis shit. Here’s some reading
34:29
audience [laughter]
34:35
But really thanks you all for being here. Thanks to the the folks who opened the many poets are in here
34:39
There’s many poets that I adore and look up to that made it here tonight
34:44
So thank you all for being here. It really means a lot to me
34:48
and enjoy yourselves, tip well, eat, the food is delicious! I had the fucking
34:53
shrimp something’s
34:55
And I was eating them. I was like, what the fuck?
35:00
Where are these shrimps coming from? You’re a mysterious place, Minneapolis.
35:05
audience [laughter]
35:06
Shit was fresh as fuck. Okay
35:10
Thank you all, this is my last poem, take care
35:20
My mother taught me this trick
35:25
If you repeat something over and over again, it loses its meaning,
35:29
for example
35:31
homework homework homework homework homework homework homework homework see nothing
35:37
Our lives she said are the same way
35:40
You watch the sunset too often. It just becomes 6 pm
35:44
You make the same mistake over and over you’ll stop calling it a mistake
35:49
If you just wake up, wake up. wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up one day you’ll forget why
35:54
Nothing is forever
35:57
she said
35:58
My parents left each other when I was seven years old
36:02
Before their last argument, they sent me out to the neighbor’s house
36:05
like some astronaut
36:07
jettisoned from the shuttle
36:09
When I came back
36:12
There was no gravity in our home
36:15
I Imagined it as an accident
36:17
And when I left they whispered to each other “I love you”
36:21
So many times over that they forgot what it meant
36:24
Family family family family family family family, my mother taught me this trick
36:30
If you repeat something over and over again, it loses its meaning
36:33
This became my favorite game and made the sting of words evaporate separation separation separation. See!
36:40
Nothing apart apart apart apart see! nothing
36:45
I’m an injured handyman now.
36:48
I work with words all day. Shut up. I know the irony
36:52
When I was young I was taught the trick to dominating language was breaking it down
36:58
Convincing it that it was worthless. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. See
37:04
nothing
37:06
Soon after my parents divorce, I developed a stutter
37:12
Fate is a cruel and efficient tutor
37:15
There’s no escape in stutter. You can feel the meaning of every word drag itself up your throat
37:22
s..s..s
37:23
Separation
37:25
Stutter is a cage made of mirrors
37:28
Every, what ‘d you say?
37:30
Every, just take your time. Every, come on kid spit it out. There’s a glaring reflection of an existence you cannot escape
37:38
every awful moment trips over its own announcement again and again and again until it just hangs there in the center of the room
37:45
as if what you had to say had no gravity at all
37:49
mom,
37:50
dad
37:52
I’m not wasteful with my words anymore even now
37:56
After hundreds of hours practicing away my stutter. I can still feel the claw of meaning in the bottom of my throat
38:03
Listen to me
38:05
I’ve heard that even in space
38:08
You can hear the scratch of an I..I..I..I..I..I..
38:11
I love you
38:16
audience: [applause]
38:19
Thank you all very very much. Thank you so much. Have a great wonderful
38:24
audience: [applause]
—
This post was previously published on YouTube.
***
If you believe in the work we are doing here at The Good Men Project and want a deeper connection with our community, please join us as a Premium Member today.
Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: Screenshot from video
The post Phil Kaye – Live at Icehouse [Video] appeared first on The Good Men Project.
#LiveAtIcehouse #PhilKaye #Self #ButtonPoetry #Poetry
